Life Update: How I'm Getting Through The Difficult Times

I’m not really one for life updates, nor am I one to talk about the hard times, but this story is really important to me. I think in times of need, hopefully, it can help someone too. This is all about taking time to understand a situation and letting yourself grow from it, and most importantly, not let it take over or control your life.

Sometimes moments in life can be difficult. If you could relive those moments again, you know looking back how different you'd want the outcome to be. But sometimes you don't need to rethink that second chance. It's ok to stand up for yourself when you know it's wrong. It's ok to support others you know who are in real need. It's most important to give yourself self-worth and the respect you deserve and to know that it's not ok to be treated any other way.

If you're a close friend or keep up to date with my wellbeing on social media, you may have noticed that over the past few months it's been really difficult for me. I would even go as far as saying it's been the worst time of my entire life both emotionally and mentally. I don't think this is the right place to go into detail about what exactly happened, plus I don't really think it adds to the story; it's all about the journey. Just know that I spent a lot of time crying to the point I felt emotionally drained, and I honestly felt like it would be too much for me to cry anymore. I found myself in a dream-like state where I would just daze off and would generally lose hours of my life to absolutely nothing. I couldn't concentrate which is why my blogging schedule has been all over the place recently. I didn't want to leave the house because I had lost all self-confidence. I left 2017 on the biggest high, and I was so looking forward to this year and just leading a positive and proactive life. As weeks and weeks went on, not only was I losing hope in a great year, I was losing hope in myself.

Every time I would struggle to push myself back up, something else would bring it back down again. I felt absolutely hopeless and confused. Why was I feeling this bad, when I wasn't the one in the wrong? I spent a lot of time hibernating in my bed with just my thoughts. I didn't like feeling like this, but all I could do was wait until it had passed. It had been around 2 months, but I woke up last Friday and something felt different. I wasn't feeling myself, but it also wasn't who I'd become, it was someone in between. I guess if my story was made into a movie, this would be the part were the uplifting music would kick in. I got up that morning, looked in the mirror and thought to myself, I can't let these issues take over my life. I can't let the words and actions of selfish, childish people control my life. It was time for me to realise I am doing this for myself, and the only person who can change how I'm feeling is me. I basically gave myself a pep talk I truly needed months ago, but maybe I needed this rollercoaster ride too.

I have been talking a lot about self-care this year, and I knew exactly what I needed to do to dig through the surface and find myself again. I took the day off and took care of my body, inside and out. I drank lots of water and made sure I ate 3 healthy meals. I pampered my body and did the things I missed doing. The things I thought were pretty pointless just 24 hours before. I went to bed that night with a smile on my heart, and I woke up the next day with it beaming through.

I started to feel positive again, so much so, I managed to overcome another difficulty; shopping. I am a clothing enthusiast, but shopping for me can be hard. I'm always worried nothing is going to fit, so I don't bother trying on anything as I don't like to feel that disappointment and yet another confirmation that I look like a mess. Shopping that weekend went a little different than usual. I not only tried on 3 tops, but they were 3 crop tops from Topshop. I haven't shopped clothing from Topshop in years as I just expected nothing would fit. And for the crop tops, I don't think I've ever been confident enough to show even just a tiny bit of my stomach, but I guess it's going to be happening this summer. How little did I know overcoming one situation in my life would help me in a lot of other positive ways.

It has only been a week, and I'm not 100% fixed, but I know I feel like I'm getting better. I always say things happen for a reason, and even though in situations like this it seems really hard to find the good, I guess I have learnt a lot about myself and others. For me, I've learnt that I'm strong, but it's also ok to cry. Crying should never be seen as a weakness. I am a good person who will always have the right intentions, and will do the absolute most for the people I know would do the same for me. Sadly, what I've also learnt from others is if people are unable to retract their actions and words, it will be impossible for me to forgive them.

This story may sound like riddles, but the point I'm trying to make is don't let a bad day ruin your night, your week, your month, or your year. People can be awful a lot of the time, but never let their actions or words bring you down. You should expect respect from absolutely every single person you meet, especially from the ones closest to you. And most importantly, grow and learn from every single situation you're in, even the bad. Spend days crying, and spend nights hating, but once you come out the other side with fewer tears, you'll be feeling so strong. Always put yourself first, and take as much time as you need to recover.

If you're comfortable, let me know in the comments below how you've overcome a low point in your life, and any tips or advice you'd like to share. If you're ever feeling low, my emails are always open. Never feel like a problem is too small, always seek help.

LISTENING TO

• Halsey
• Ghost